How to faithfully answer your children's unspoken questions
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No matter how many questions your kids ask about coronavirus, you can encourage them to continue trusting God.
“Can our dog get the coronavirus?”
That is the full extent of the questions my nine-year-old son has asked about the COVID-19 pandemic. Despite now attending school in our living room, church via laptop and hearing the news on the radio - he doesn’t talk about it, doesn’t question the countless changes to his daily routine, doesn’t seem worried.
But I know there is some worry there, beneath the surface. It might not come out in words but that is not unusual for children.
Grose and Richardson [1] explain that anxiety in children can show itself in the body (symptoms like tummy aches, headaches, difficulty falling asleep, a lump in the throat). It can also manifest through their behaviour (irritability, refusing to participate, fear of making mistakes, sudden crying or anger, avoidance) or in thought patterns that are sometimes but not always expressed in words.
Young children often unconsciously take on the feelings of significant adults in their lives. We laugh when they mimic our expressions or mannerisms, but it is less funny when they copy our less desirable traits. As Gross and Richardson also observe:
“It’s the behaviours [children] witness when we’re under stress that usually have the greatest impact on children. Adult behaviours, when accompanied by high emotion, are generally most memorable for children.”
Related
Kids Pray Family Resource
Help focus your family on our sovereign God with these prayer cards, specifically designed for young believers
Even though it may not be clear on the surface, there is no doubt that my son has been affected by the feelings of his teachers, his friends, his siblings and his parents. He might not be asking questions, but I’m certain he is feeling anxiety about why his world is suddenly different – and I’m sure your children and those in your churches are feeling the same way.
As Christians we want to be walking with our young ones through the uncertain weeks and months ahead by speaking God’s truth into these worries, whether they come out as headaches, nightmares or even seemingly trivial questions about the family dog.
Adults and children are not so different when it comes to grappling with God’s place in this current crisis. We, like our children, may ask “Why did God allow the churches to close?”, “Why did God allow so many to get sick?” and, as many are predicting, we may be asking “Why did God allow my loved one to die?”
Essentially, all these questions and many more boil down to two foundational questions:
Is God good?
Is God really in control?
The answer to both is a resounding yes! God is good and his purposes and promises stand firm even when we don’t see it.
But how do we answer these questions, particularly when we’re dealing with questions our children haven’t yet asked?
Put your faith into words
We need to communicate our trust in God in words our children will understand. This might mean adding another sentence or two on your comment about the news report the family watched. Instead of, ‘Well, everything is just going from bad to worse! Fighting about toilet paper! The world’s gone crazy!’ You can add, Isn’t it great that God promises to provide everything we need?’
When we express our faith in words and action, children can hear that although we may feel surprise and dismay just like they do, we also continue to trust God.
Prayer
You can also give voice to your faith through prayer. Make a habit of praying with our children, not just for them. Coming before God in prayer models our dependence and trust in him. Using the words of Scripture to shape our prayers is also helpful – so in the example above, you could pray:
“Dear God, it’s so weird that people are fighting over toilet paper. Thanks for your word that reminds us that people need more than food to live—they need every word that you have spoken” (Deut. 8:3 CEV)
Praying together, even using something as simple as a ‘tsp’ prayer (thank you, sorry, please), provides our children with a lived example of trust in God.
Tell stories of faith
Another way to model our trust in God is telling our stories to our children from our own faith journey. Perhaps you remember a time when you felt afraid when you were young but grew in your faith and trust during that time. Share that story.
If your church or small group is meeting online, ask people to share stories that will encourage others. Older members of our congregations have lived through tough times before and we can benefit from hearing those stories.
Looking further back into church history, there are many more stories of believers persevering despite terrible circumstances. These books are great:
Everyone a child should know by Clare Heath-Whyte
In this book, children will meet 52 Christian men and women (one for each week of the year) from all walks of life who wanted to live for their friend Jesus. There are missionaries, martyrs, writers, reformers, politicians and poets.Reformation ABCs is a fun way for children to learn about the places, things, events, people, books, and ideas that shaped this pivotal time in church history.
Twenty-six heroes of the faith march through the alphabet, boldly telling their stories and reminding children that these great figures of the past were living, breathing people who lived and died for the glory of God.
Sketches from Church History by SM Houghton
An exciting illustrated account of twenty centuries of Christ's power revealing the spiritual history which lies behind the present day.
Learn a memory verse
Another way to answer those unspoken questions is to start learning a family memory verse. Choose a verse that reinforces a key truth, (e.g. God is always good and loving), print it out a few times, let the kids decorate and colour, stick it up, talk about what it means and how it applies.
Memory verses are valuable when they are meaningful so take the time to dig deep into what words mean, refer to other parts of the Bible that reinforce or illustrate this truth and encouraging children to put the verse into their own words. In this way we let God’s word answer unspoken questions like ‘Do these changes mean God isn’t strong enough?’ or ‘Is God being mean by sending this virus?’.
Some verses that I think are great include Psalm 136:1. Psalm 145:13, 1 John 4:9, 2 Peter 1:3-4, Psalm 37:39, Psalm 27:1, Psalm 36:5.
Our children are looking at us and whether they are asking the questions or not, getting worried or not, let’s encourage them to keep trusting our faithful sovereign God.
[1] Grose M & Richardson J 2019, Anxious Kids: How children can turn their anxiety into resilience, Penguin Books.
